“Why do we keep having the same fight, no matter how much we care for each other or how many meetings we hold?”
In a family enterprise, conflict is rarely about the agenda item. It’s usually a role collision - Parent and CEO, Sibling and Shareholder, Spouse and Chair - operating inside the same nervous system, at the same time.
When that collision isn’t named, a board discussion can activate old meanings: “I’m not good enough,” “I’m being controlled,” “I don’t matter.”
People then respond to history, not the present moment, often without realising it.
My advice: identify the pattern. Track the exact moment either party shifts roles, and notice what arose just before the shift. It’s usually a surge of shame, fear, or sadness that registers as danger. This emotional surge prompted the family member's move into a “safer” role.
Once that catalyst is named out loud, choice returns.
With practice, families learn to identify "shift" patterns, hold both relationship and authority simultaneously, and make governance cleaner and more effective.
By NSW based Family Business Accredited Advisor
Tom Skotidas
everpath
