Understanding family relationships to improve the family business

Healthy family business interactions are underpinned by healthy family relationships. Sometimes the collaboration and rapport-building practices taught in MBA programs don’t have the same traction in family businesses. If there’s relationship tension in your family business, strategies based on ‘Bowen family systems theory’ may help you get to the root of the problem, and help you find a solution.

Family businesses are systems of inter-relationships between family members. When relationships are healthy, the family business can be a formidable, unassailable force.[1] This is because family members share values and goals, have high levels of trust, and coordinate their work intuitively – often to the envy of non-family firms.[2] However, the close-knit nature of family businesses can produce tensions that can cripple an otherwise strong business.

‘Bowen family systems theory’, developed by psychiatrist Murray Bowen, can help families strengthen their relationships. The theory suggests that the actions of one individual can have a ripple effect, impacting other people in the system. Dysfunctional families should be examined as a system rather than as individuals or as interactions between individuals.[3] This is because when family members join the family business, they bring their family relationship baggage with them – both the good and the bad.

For example, overbearing older siblings who enter the family business may dominate their younger peers. Consequently, these siblings may struggle to work together. In the same way, if the family patriarch needs to always have the final say, the patriarch’s rigidity may ignite infighting when adult children join the business. This in turn may thwart the efforts of the next generation to move the business forward. Unconscious relational patterns can make it hard for family members to see business issues objectively, resulting in distractions and poor business performance.

Yet families often believe that the problems they face are unique to them and are unresolvable. They can feel embarrassed, keep their issues to themselves and avoid getting professional help. However, tricky relationships are common to many business families, which is why family systems theory can be so helpful.

So when there’s family dysfunction, first examine the relationships between family members. The good news is that it only takes one family member to improve the overall family dynamic, because one person’s actions, positive or negative, have a ripple effect.

Ultimately, the aim is to strengthen family relationships so that the family's connectedness becomes a positive force, rather than a problem to overcome.

How Bowen family systems theory can improve family relationships

Used by family therapists to strengthen family relationships, Bowen family systems theory can also help family businesses improve their performance. So, if your family business is experiencing some relationship tensions, these suggestions from family systems theory may help:

• Consider the influence of past relationship patterns. Families often pass their relationship styles from generation to generation, so recognising past patterns can help families choose a better path. Drawing your family’s genogram[4] can be helpful. A genogram is a family tree that maps past family dynamics and emotional relationships. If there have been family tensions in the past, acknowledging them and asking questions to understand what happened can improve your relationships and the relationships of future generations.[5]
• Observe your emotions. Family members seek each other’s attention, approval and support. They also have a heightened sensitivity to each other’s needs, expectations and emotions.[6] If you react emotionally to a family member, identify what you’re feeling and why. A tool such as Plutchik’s wheel of emotions[7] may help. Family emotions — positive or negative – are contagious. When family members respond to each other, emotions can escalate. Anger fuels more anger. If you find yourself in an emotional conversation, pause before you respond. This gives you time to choose your response rather than saying something you might regret later. Then, when you respond thoughtfully, your family members are more likely to do the same.[8]
• Listen with curiosity. When differences arise, rather than trying to persuade, instead try to understand the other person’s point of view. Ask curious questions that invite the person to respond in an open way. Try to create a dynamic where family members can safely share their opinions and feel listened to. Show that you’re open to changing your opinions in response to theirs.
• Speak up. It can be tempting to avoid conflict by keeping your opinions and feelings to yourself. However, issues can fester – only to explode later. So, share your opinions – calmly.
• Own your role. When there’s conflict, it’s tempting to blame other family members. Instead, consider what you can do to improve family relationships. Because if even one person takes personal responsibility, a positive effect is likely to cascade to other family members. They may even reciprocate.[9] It may take months, but in time, if one person changes how they behave, other family members will, too. After each family interaction, consider what you can improve for next time. Gradually, you’ll move towards family harmony and business strength.[10]